barbara walters just said penis...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize