I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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