Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
