Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
