He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
