I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
