is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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