I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
