there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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