highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
