Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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