I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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