Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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