thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
