Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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