So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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