God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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