:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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