I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How does one acquire holy water?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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