I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
