I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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