Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
