I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
