I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize