I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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