Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
ugly people sure do ruin things
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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