Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
