Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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