I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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