How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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