I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
