Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
