Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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