Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
how does that bad decision feel?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
