there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
