He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize