thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
