You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
