You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
