Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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