She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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