Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
