: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
