I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
