why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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