I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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