Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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