and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
