She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
