hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i've created a new STD.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
