You smell like a Billy Joel song
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
