Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
