my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
