I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
