Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
