so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Randomize
