I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
