He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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