if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i out mim tonsoeep
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