so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
