There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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