my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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