based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
