Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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