You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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