Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
