What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
