We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
