Cold hands, warm shart.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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