Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize