The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
