tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
