Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
