I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
