on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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