Quick, to the slutcave!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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