i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
