My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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