according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
