I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
