if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
