Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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