conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
