I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
