The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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