My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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